The Memoirs of Mr Moony
by PhoebeAnn
Summary: Read about the Marauders through the eyes of the sane one...possibly. PG13 just in case- some swearing.
1. Default Chapter

HELLO everybody!! It is I, Phoebe, writing to you from my exciting computer. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Review! Flames are allowed, but constructive criticism is the way to my heart!

Disclaimer: I own Harry Potter. Oh, look, a purple pig just flew by! Oh. Damn. Neither of those things is true. Oh well, can't have everything.

THE MEMOIRS OF MR. MOONY

Err…Hi. Yes. Hi. Having never written in a journal, "Hi" seems like a good way to start. Oh. Lily has informed me that one usually starts a journal with what she calls "vital statistics." "Vital to what, the parchment?" I asked. Lily just gave me a pitying look and explained that she meant height, hobbies, favorite things, and so on. Sooo….

Name: Remus John Lupin

Height: 5'8"

Appearance: Light brown curly hair, thin, light brown eyes. Err…arms, legs, fingers, toes.

Hobbies: Reading, writing, Quidditch (I'm a Chaser for Gryffindor.)

Friends: The Marauders: James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew. And also Lily Evans (not a Marauder.) And assorted other people. Right.

Favorite things: Flying, reading, sleeping, being with friends.

Facts about me: ( Because apparently everything ELSE I've written doesn't count.) I'm shy (according to Lily. According to Sirius I just hate people.) I'm an only child. I'm 16. Oh, and I'm a werewolf. Yup. Bet you never saw THAT coming. And-

"Whatcha doing, Moony?" That's Sirius.

"Nothing," I said, automatically covering this journal. Too late.

"Lupin, you have a DIARY??" Oh fuck. I am NEVER going to live this down. Shoot me now.

"Remus is a girl, Remus is a girl, Remus is a girl, Remus-"

"Sirius, SHUT UP!"

"Why? Girl."

"Immature git."

"Know-it-all."

"Dumbass."

"Am not."

"Leave me alone." Sirius grinned wickedly.

"Only if you write what I tell you."

"No."

"Remus is a girl, he wears frilly knickers, and-um-wears make-up and dresses!" Oh God.

"If I write whatever it is you want me to write, will you go away?"

"Yes."

"Fine."

Ok. Here goes. Despite my "sucky personalilty"- Sirius, STOP POKING ME- I "managed to snag an amazing group of friends who are all much cooler, smarter, and better looking than you." (You meaning me, as Sirius was saying that and forcing me to DEFILE my journal- NOT A DIARY- with his inane and senseless ramblings. No one knows better than I how ironic it is that Sirius Black has never been serious in his life.) Now that he has decided to stop torturing me, I can keep going. Actually, what Sirius said was true. I do have an amazing group of friends. When they found out I was a werewolf, not only did they continue being my friends, they learned how to turn into Animagi (wizards who can turn into animals) to keep me company. (A werewolf is only a danger to humans.) James is a stag (Prongs), Sirius is a dog (Padfoot), and Peter is a rat (Wormtail.) I'm called Moony, for obvious reasons. Let's see, what else should you, the hypothetical reader, know? Um…I like chocolate. I'm smart-the brains (and conscience) of the group. Sirius (according to any female between 4 and 400) is the best looking in the group. James is the leader, Peter is just there, and I'm the brains. Somehow, it all works. Oh no, Sirius is back and he appears to have brought the entire House with him…-RJL


	2. History of Magic Refreshes the Mind

Hi again from Phoebe! Thank you SOO much to Champagne Supernova in the Sky and Charmergirl07 for their kind reviews! You two made my day! And, at your request….

History of Magic Refreshes the Mind….

Amazingly enough, I am still in one piece. Sirius, i.e. He who has the biggest Gob in the Universe, could not resist telling people about my "diary." This invariably led to snickers and constant refrains of "Remus is a girl!" from Sirius and James until I threatened to not let them use my Defense Against the Dark Arts notes. That shut them up. It also made Lily furious.

"Just because Remus is mature and wants to express his feelings in a journal is no reason for you two imbeciles to tease him!" Gee, Lily, thanks a lot. I'll just be killing myself now.

"Aww," James smirked. "Isn't that _cute,_ Padfoot? Moony is _in touch with his feelings."_ Sirius grinned.

"You should be a shrink, Moony." Lily looked startled.

"Wizards have psychologists?"

"Yes. Just like Muggle ones, really," I replied.

"Paging Dr. Moony, we have a situation here!" Sirius snickered.

"Yea, we have a guy here who writes in a pretty pink diary with a pretty pink quill in pretty pink ink and- Oh wait, that's you, Moony!" James and Sirius both laughed hysterically.

"Keep it up and it's not a head doctor you'll need," I snapped. "Well, except you, Sirius, you've always needed one."

"Oh, is poor Remus getting all _sensitive_ on us? Why don't you write about your feelings, Lupin, your pretty diary's waiting."

"And why don't you fuck off, Sirius, I'm sure some hole is waiting," I retorted.

"Fair enough." Sirius' eyes suddenly brightened. "Hey, moon-man, are we in your pretty diar-I mean, your very manly journal?" I rolled my eyes.

"The point of a journal, you stupid arse, is that only the person who _writes _in it knows what's in it."

"But we're your best mates!" Sirius pouted. "Pleaaaaaseeeeeee?"

"No."

"But _why?"_

"Because I said so."

"When has that ever mattered to me?" Sirius demanded. I thought about this.

"Just now?" I suggested hopefully. Sirius frowned and turned to James.

"Does it matter to me now?" James gave him an exasperated look.

"How should I know? Am I you?"

"I sure as hell hope not."

"I'm not."

"Well good." Sirius paused. "So do I care yet what Moony thinks?" James sighed wearily.

"No, probably not."

"Ok then," said Sirius brightly. "What were we talking about again?" This, people, is one of the many disadvantages of having a thick idiot as a mate. You can't have a serious (ha!) conversation. Ever. Especially if Sirius is involved. I wonder what Binns is droning on about. Probably something boring. Sirius and James will be wanting my notes. I could be honest and say I didn't take any. But I won't because A.) They'd tease me about my "Diary" B.) It would be more fun to bullshit it and pretend I know what Binns was saying. It would also be mean. But still fun. There's the bell…-RJL


	3. Potions and Pranks

OH MY GOD!!!  I LOVE you people!!! 12 reviews since yesterday!! You ROCK!!

Sammie- Yours was the first review I saw today!! Thank you!

IloveMoony04- Ha, I liked that part too! Thanks!

Leyre- OMG, praise overload! Lol.  Thank you!

Smrt cids- Yes and yes! And thank you!

Mutant Jedi Bauer- THANK YOU SO MUCH!! You are SOOOOO sweet!!! Trust me, you can NEVER tell me you like my story too much!!!!!!!!  Here you go!

Plasma Moose- Wow, thanks! Here's your update. (I love your name!)

Jillie-  Hmm…you may be right about the immaturity…Although I did always see Sirius as the least mature of the Marauders, I might be going a little overboard…thanks for the advice!!!!

Cilverblood- Here you go!

Lilykins- Yea, TWO reviews from Lilykins!!! Haha thank you! I agree, I don't like Peter, which is why he isn't in there much yet….but I'll put him in more.  Promise.  Laughs evilly

Deirdre of the Sorrows- Same as above, but you're right, he should be in more…and he will! Promise! Thank you for your review!!!

Torroketsu- Thank you! Here's my update!!

Potions and Pranks

It's at times like these that I wonder where in the hell my brain was when I decided to be friends with James and Sirius.  (Obviously not in my head…)  They've corrupted me, I swear.  I used to be a GOOD kid- that's why I'm Prefect.  Sadly, that era has ended. Take today, for instance.  We were in Potions with Professor Madden, Head of Slytherin and president of the "I hate the Marauders Club."  If there was such a thing.  Or if he knew we called ourselves that.  (There isn't, and he doesn't.  But if there were, Madden would be president.)  Before I explain what happened, let me first say that Potions with the Slytherins is about as much fun as getting your brain pulled out your nostril.  Let me also say that Madden is a chauvinistic pig who thinks that girls shouldn't be allowed within ten yards of a Potions lab.  Now, as you have probably already guessed, we hate him.   You have probably also guessed that our natural smart-ass tendencies sometimes get the better of us in Potions.  Ok, all of the time. Though you probably have a general idea of what happened, indulge me as I record it for posterity.

James: This is so BORING.  Couldn't we try a Potion that's, I dunno, difficult? (We were making a Shrinking Solution.)

Lily: Stop being such a show-off, Potter. 

James: Bite me, Evans.

Lily: Uck, don't make me sick, Potter.

Me: Stop fighting, children.

James: Yeah, Evans, stop arguing with me.

Lily: Children.  Plural.  That would include _you_, genius boy.

Me (to Peter): Will they ever just shut up and realize that they really just want to shag each other?

Peter (snickers): Dunno, Moony.  Tune in next week to find out…

Sirius: Nah, they won't.  It's a physical impossibility for one of them to admit the other's right.  There's research to back me up.

Peter (interested): Really?

Me: Yes, Peter.  In the Ministry of Magic there's a top-secret file that's labeled "Why Lily Evans and James Potter do not get along."

Peter: _REALLY??_

Sirius (to me): Do we really have to answer that?

Me: Sadly, I think we do.

Lily (who apparently has been ignoring most of the conversation): Well, I wouldn't argue with him if he wasn't WRONG.

Me: It's his opinion, Lil, it can't be wrong.

James: Yeah! I'm right and you're wrong.

Lily: Get over yourself, Potter.

James: Make me!

Lily: You make no sense, you arrogant prat.

Madden: Evans! Potter! Stop flirting.

Sirius, Peter and I snickered.

Lily (Quietly): We are _not_ flirting.

Madden: I'm _sorry_, Evans?

Sirius (to Peter and me): No he's not.

Madden: Shut up, Black.  (turning to Lily) What were you saying, Evans?

Lily: I-I was s-saying that we w-weren't flirting, sir.

Madden: Really? Then what, pray tell, were you doing?

Lily (turning red): We were arguing.

Peter (whispering): Yeah, couldn't you hear them?

Madden: Well, Evans-

James: You know, it's really rude to call a girl by her surname.

Madden: No one asked for your opinion, Potter.

Sirius: I did!

Madden: SHUT UP, BLACK!  10 points each from all three of you for disturbing my class.

Me: With what, our acerbic wit and clever observations?

Madden: LUPIN!!

Me: Yes, sir?

Sirius: No, I believe it was our very own soap opera that annoyed our dear professor, Remus.  "Lily and James: The Life Before the Love."

Madden: BLACK!!  Both of you BE QUIET!!  10 points from Lupin and 10 _more_ from Black.

James: But why?

Madden: WHY WHAT???

Peter: Why?

Madden: What?

Me: Exactly.

Lily (shaking her head): You have officially stopped making sense now.

Sirius: Thank you.

Madden: Lupin, Black, Potter and Evans! You all have detention!

Me: But why?

Madden: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??

Me: Why do we have detentions, sir?

Madden (incredulous): You can't be serious.

Sirius: No, I am.

Me: I _am_ serious, sir.

Madden: For disrupting my class with your idiotic discussions that have NOTHING to do with the lesson!

James: I didn't hear discussing.

Sirius: Me either.

Me: I think you're hearing things, sir.

Madden: BE QUIET!

Sirius: You're hearing things AGAIN, sir.  We weren't talking.

Madden (sarcastically): Oh really, Black? Than who was?

Me: I believe that was the mutant grapefruit, sir.

James: Probably.  He's an amazing ventriloquist.

Peter: His name is Herbert.

Sirius: Yes. And now we must be going.  Good bye.

Of course, we got about a thousand points taken off and three detentions each, but it was worth it.  I don't think Madden will ever really know if he was hearing things.  And don't ask me where the mutant grapefruit- excuse me, _Herbert-_ came from.  I'm just cool like that.   -RJL


	4. Bed knobs and BroomsticksOr not

Thank you to my three wonderful reviewers! Never let it be said that I keep you waiting…

Lady Maewan- TWO reviews!!! THANK YOU! I'm getting big headed here…..

Charmergirl07- He's SUPPOSED to be sane and keep them out of trouble…but c'mon, could YOU resist annoying Madden???

Weirdo101- Thanks! It _is_ insane…

Sporty Girl- Thanks! Glad you like it.

Bed knobs And Broomsticks…Or not

I'm actually writing this in detention, because Madden, for some strange reason, has left the four of us alone. What? You may cry. Why would anyone with half a brain in their head do that? The answer is that Madden HAS no brain; therefore, he doesn't see the idiocy of his actions. I'm writing because the alternatives are A.)Actually writing the stupid essay he assigned us or B.) Being involved in the plot to kill him with James and Sirius. And neither of those options seems particularly appealing.

"You do realize that whatever you're planning either won't work or will get you into trouble, don't you?" I asked. Sirius grinned.

"And that, dear Moony, is why we have you around. Why would we keep you if you weren't such a convenient scapegoat?"

"Oh no, not this time. You're on your own here, mate." Sirius pouted.

"But _Moony_," he wailed, "don't you love us anymore?"

"No."

"You're no fun, Remus," James complained.

"Does this mean you'll leave me out of your sinister plots from now on?"

"'Course not. Your ideas are the only reason we never get caught." Sirius laughed.

"Yeah, Moony. You're stuck with us _forever._"

"Wonderful," I muttered.

"How does it feel to be a criminal mastermind, Remus?" Lily teased. I glared at her. She went back to her essay. And now I'm writing. I'm actually really glad that I have this journal, if only because when James and Sirius insist that they are normal I have proof that they are, in fact, not. Actually, Sirius is right. Again. I _am_ the one that keeps them out of trouble. I have a compulsive need to look for flaws in plans. And then fix them. Which I do with alarming regularity when I'm with Sirius and James. There'd probably be a message in that, if I felt like looking for one. (I don't.) I wonder where Madden is. He's been gone for almost a quarter hour. Oh wait, it sounds as if a small elephant is walking down the hall. Must be him. More later- RJL

Later (11:30 p.m., actually.)

I'm only up because I promised to wait for James and Sirius. Lily finished her essay first, due to the fact that she was actually working on it. I finished mine soon after because, well, I did. Now I'm writing (again) and waiting for James and Sirius. I'm becoming addicted to this journal. Which isn't really a bad thing, I guess, just an observation. I wish I could say that this journal was an inspiring look into my complex mind, but sadly I can't. It's more of a complex look into an insane asylum, as is anything that A.) James and/or Sirius has/have written or B.) Anything that mentions either of them. But despite the fact that they are crazy, they are my best mates and I will stay up until they get back.

12:00

I'm bored. Goodnight.


	5. Mr Moony's Hotline

Hi!  It is I, Phoebe.  I am SO sorry about the lack of updates, but I'm back!!  Yea!  Thanks to all of my dear reviewers.  You're the bomb!!  Hehe.  Anyhow, here's Chapter Five.

Mr. Moony's Hotline

I really hate to sound conceited (if only because Sirius does it so well that I could never compete), but I am the shit when it comes to problem solving.  Really, I mean it.  I should have my own column in the _Daily Prophet.  _See, we were in Charms, which is practically everyone's favorite lesson because it's so loud that you can actually have a conversation.  We were working on making out teacups tap-dance.  We (James, Sirius, Peter and I) had, per usual, finished early.  James kept sighing and looking moody, then glaring at Lily, then sighing, looking moody, and glaring at Lily.  After about ten minutes of this Sirius said, "Prongs, if you don't stop doing that and tell us what's up I will have to hurt you.  And it won't be fun."  James sighed again.

            "It's Lily."

            "Well, thank you, Captain Obvious," I said sarcastically.  "We needed clarification on that one."

            "I think I like her," James elaborated. 

            "Since this has been blatantly obvious since you turned her hair purple in first year, you'll forgive me for not dying of shock.  So what's your problem?"  James stared at me incredulously.

            "You _knew?_  And you didn't tell me?"  James nearly yelled.  It was my turn to stare.

            "EVERYONE knows.  What, is this a surprise to you?"

            "Yes, it is!"  James exclaimed.  Sirius snorted.

            "Prongs, face it.  You've liked her forever.  You might as well have a sign around your neck that says 'I WANT TO SNOG LILY EVANS' and be done with it."

            "SIRIUS knew?"  James yelped, turning to me.  "And _I_ missed it?"

            "Somehow, someway, yes, you did," I replied.

            "Well, what should I do?"

            "About Lily?"

            "No, about the dancing turnip.  YES, about Lily!"  I considered this for a minute.

            "You're not going to like this," I warned.

            "Just tell me!" James snapped.

            "Ok.  Well, the main reason she won't go out with you is that she thinks you're conceited.  So what you have to do is show her that you aren't.  Be polite to her, say hi to her, stop trying to kill Snape-"

            "WHAT??  Annoying Snivellus is, like, my life goal.  I can't just _stop._  The rest of it sounds ok, but I'm not going to throw six years of hard work down the toilet."  Trust James to think that annoying Snape was hard work.  All he had to do was exist.  Oh yeah, real tough one there.

            "Fine," I said calmly.  "Just remember how well that worked out for you last year."  Even though James tried to look innocent, I knew he remembered.  It had been after our Defense against the Dark Arts O.W.L., and James and Sirius had decided to indulging in their favorite pastime of hexing Severus Snape for no reason.  Lily, being the nice person that she is, intervened.  And boy, were we in trouble.  To summarize:  She told James that he was a bullying toerag and that she'd rather go out with the Giant Squid than him, she told Sirius that he was a hypocritical, arrogant asshole who was just as bad as the rest of his family (which everyone who knows Sirius knows is pretty much the worst insult you can come up with), and she told _me_ that I was a pathetic coward because I didn't have the balls to stand up to James and Sirius and stop them.  And I have to say, despite the fact that James and Sirius got three weeks of detention, we all admitted that Lily's little tirade made us feel much, much worse than detention ever had.  And although James and Sirius loyally insisted that what she said to me wasn't fair, and James and I assured Sirius that he wasn't as bad as the rest of his family, and Sirius and I promised that James wasn't _really_ a bully, we all knew that she was right about what she'd said.  I knew James was thinking about this now, and I knew that remembering being called a bully really didn't sit well with him.  I knew this because remembering being called a pathetic coward didn't sit well with _me._  Finally, James said reluctantly,

            "Ok, how's this?  I'll be civil to her- say hi, smile, be polite, whatever- and I'll _try_ not to hex Snivellus."

            "And you can't ask her out," I warned.  "Not until she knows you're trying to be nicer."  James groaned.

            "Fine, no asking her out.  And you really think this'll work?"

            "It's worth a shot," I pointed out.

            "I guess," James conceded. "Thanks, Moony."

            "You're welcome."

            "Can we wrap this up?"  Sirius demanded impatiently.  "As heartwarming as it was, I'm starting to be sick." 

            "It only makes you sick because your idea of a successful relationship is remembering the girl's name when you dump her after five seconds," I pointed out.

            "Hey!  That's not true!"  Sirius protested.

            "Yes it is.  You have the shortest attention span of anybody I've ever known," James said.  Luckily the bell rang, so we didn't have to listen to any more of Sirius' lame attempts to defend himself.  Damn, break's over.  Bye- RJL


	6. Strange Little Creatures

YEA!  Reviews!  Please keep it up!  If you like it, or don't, tell me!!!  Pretty please with sugar??

Leyre- Hehe, yea, sometimes I think that Sirius is certifiably insane…but he's fun to write!

Smart cids- Thanks!

The Lady Quotes- Yea, Remus has a good enough sense of humor to be amused by James and Sirius…lucky for them!

Deirdre of the Sorrows- Personally I think they deserved what I had Lily say to them, based on OOTP, but maybe that's just me.  I really like Snape as well, and he CAN be a prick, but does he really deserve all of the things the Marauders do to him?

Red-Devil15- Hehe, Sirius puts a goldfish to shame with his inattentiveness…

AlyDragonChild- Hooray, Aly gave me candy!  Nope, I'm not dead!

And without Further Ado….Chapter Six!

Strange Little Creatures

Please, Oh Great Nondenominational Deity in the Sky, let me NEVER forget that Sirius, sugar, and small animals DO NOT mix.  Why James thought it would be okay to allow Sirius to have a chocolate bar and a Pumpkin Pasty for lunch is beyond me.  Since it's only a week before the full moon (i.e. Let's See How Many Rules we can break This Month day), I have to go to the hospital wing daily to be "checked on."  Naturally, because it just figures, I forgot and ended up having to go during lunch.  Of course, EVERY SODDING INCH of me has to be checked over until Madam Pomfrey is satisfied, so by the time I left, lunch was nearly over.  I had time to wolf (haha) down less than half a sandwich before the bell rang for Care of Magical Creatures.  Had I been my normal, super-amazing self, I might have noticed that Sirius had already started rambling on about nothing.  But, of course, in my breathless and food deprived state, I didn't notice anything wrong until we were in class. 

            "Today, we'll be starting our unit on Bowtruckles.  Now, wh- Yes, Mr. Black?" 

            "Can I say something, Professor Kettleburn?"  Yes, that was Stupid Arse himself, otherwise known as Sirius Black.

            "I suppose so," said Professor Kettleburn uncertainly.  Sirius stood up.

            "I would like to say," he began solemnly, "that 'Bowtruckle' is a funny word.  Thank you."  Needless to say, most people's reaction here wasn't, "Oh, what a clever and witty person he is!"  No, it was more, "Oh look at Sirius Black make a prat of himself, the idiot."  And _my_ reaction (because I like to be different), was along the lines of "I am NEVER leaving James and Sirius alone again."  Of course, because God or Buddha or the Dalai Lama obviously hates me, it didn't stop there.  Oohhh no.

            "Yes, well, thank you for that- er- enlightening observation, Mr. Black," said Professor Kettleburn, raising his eyebrows.  "Now, to continue.  Who knows what a bowtruckle is?  Yes, Mr. Black?"  I spun around.  Yes, people, the stupid idiot's hand was waving in the air, a moronic grin on his face, waiting to show of his intelligence yet again.

            "A bowtruckle is a fairy kinda thingamajig, 'cept they bite.  But if they bite you it just hurts.  Only I got bitten by a cat once and that's worse as their teeth are bigger, and -" I finally came out of my coma and smacked Sirius upside the head.  I was by now entirely convinced that Sirius was high or drunk.  Or both.  Probably both.  Sirius gave me an indignant look.

            "_Ow_. That _hurt ,_Remus!"

            "Shut your bloody mouth then, you prat!" I hissed.  "You're making a complete ass of yourself."  Sirius looked hurt.

            "I'm _not_; I'm just explaining what a bowtruckle is."  Professor Kettleburn cleared his throat.

            "_If_ you would excuse me, gentlemen," he said irritably, "may I PLEASE continue my lesson uninterrupted?"

            "Sorry, sir," I mumbled.

            "_Thank_ you.  Now, bowtruckles are wood guardians who generally live in trees whose wood can be made into wands.  Can anyone tell me what they eat?"

            "Candy!" Guess who?

            "Yes, Miss Evans?" said Professor Kettleburn, ignoring Sirius.

            "Wood lice," answered Lily, shooting Sirius a murderous glare and mouthing _What__ is he **on?**_ at me.  Wouldn't we all like to know?

            "Correct.  Five points to Gryffindor.  Now, keep in mind that bowtruckles _do_ bite, so please be careful when you take on.  I'd like you to observe the bowtruckle's anatomy and write two feet on their diet, habitat, and anything else you found interesting in your research.  You may start now." 

            "_I_ have two feet!  Hey Moony, d'you think he wants us to write on our _feet_?  Because that would be cool," said Sirius excitedly. 

            "Make him SHUT UP!" Lily snarled.

            "I'm _trying! _Merlin's beard, Sirius, what the hell did you _eat?_"  James blushed guiltily.  I groaned.

            "I have a feeling that I don't want to hear this," I said grimly.

            "No, probably not.  So can we skip the part where I tell you and you yell at me and just pretend nothing happened?" James suggested hopefully.

            "Moony!  MOOOOOOONYYY!!"

            "_WHAT, _Sirius?"

            "I can tell you what I had for lunch; you don't need James to tell you.  I had candy- a chocolate bar."  I glowered at James.

            "You let him have a CHOCLATE BAR for lunch?"

            "And a Pumpkin Pasty," said James meekly. "Don't look at me like that!  He's not a kid, Remus, he didn't HAVE to eat it.  Just because I dared him to-"  He stopped, taking in the look on my face.  "Oh, shit."

            "You DARED him to?"  James squirmed nervously.

            "Well, I wanted to see how fast he could eat it."

            "Brilliant, James, just brilliant," I snapped.

            "Stop acting like my mother, Remus.  It was just candy.  And it's not like anyone got hurt or anything."

            "True," I conceded.  I relaxed a little.  So what if Sirius had made a complete fool of himself?  It wasn't my problem.  Right?

            "Hey, guys, look at these thingies!  They look like bits of twig with eyes!"

            "Sirius, DON"T TOUCH THAT!"  Too late.  Sirius screamed as the bowtruckle bit him and dropped it, yelling "My HAND!  My poor hand!"  Meanwhile, the pissed off fairy thing was attempting to bolt out the door, amidst shrieks of, "Don't let it escape!" and "CATCH the bloody thing!" and "It attacked him!", along with constant refrains of "My hand!  My hand!" by Sirius, the dim-witted, overly caffeinated, hyperactive prat.  Lily finally managed to stun the stupid thing, and everyone calmed down a little.  Professor Kettleburn (surprise, surprise) wasn't pleased.

            "Right, you three.  I've had enough of your clowning around.  GET OUT OF HERE!"  We did.  Peter gave shot me a sympathetic look.  I miserably grabbed my bag and followed James and Sirius out of the room. 

            "I think I'm bleeding," Sirius said, frowning at his hand.  "Am I bleeding?"

            "Shut up, Sirius.  Your speaking privileges are revoked for the rest of the day," I said sullenly.  Sirius ignored me.

            "You know, those bowtruckle things are strange little creatures.  And really mean."

            "Sirius, STOP TALKING.  I'm hemorrhaging from the ears!" I yelled.

            "Well fine, be that way," Sirius said huffily.  He stopped talking until we got to the castle.  I hightailed it to the Library, because A.) I knew he wouldn't follow me and B.) I couldn't get into any more trouble there.  Unfortunately it's nearly curfew, so I'd better go.  -RJL


End file.
